Countdown until I am no longer worried

4 weeks 5 days (LMP) 2 weeks 5 days (gestational)

I wonder when that time will be? Will it be after I see the tiny heart beating on ultrasound or am able to hear the little thump, thump, thump by my home doppler system? Will it be after I see tiny arm and leg buds flailing all about by ultrasound or when I feel those first tiny flutters on the inside? Will I still be worried when I am into the second trimester and my risks of miscarriage are virtually non-existent? Will I worry when the baby skips a day of kicking me so hard that it nearly brings tears to my eyes? Will I still worry when the baby gets SO big that it hardly has any room to move at all? Will I still be worried when I go into labor and somehow believe that there is still no way possible I am going home with a baby? Will I worry every single day after the baby is born because it is no longer safe and sound on the inside? I am sure I will worry the first day of daycare, kindergarten and college. So I guess my question is ... is it really reasonable to be holding out until the day I can stop worrying?

I guess for now I would be pretty happy to just know that things are working as they should be. Joe suggested over the weekend (to try to curb my endless worrying) that I could always take another HPT and that would help because then I would know I am still pregnant. The problem with this is that all it tells me is that there is still HCG in my system ... it doesn't let me know that it is still increasing the way it should. See what I mean? I really would like to be calm about all of this ... one of those pregnant women that just floats through the beginning of her pregnancy with a big ole smile plastered across her face and not a thought more complicated than what color to paint the nursery. I guess this just isn't my nature. I often wonder if I would be less neurotic about all of this if I hadn't had all of the miscarriages. I imagine I would be just as neurotic just without a good reason for being that way. :) My first appointment with the midwives is on November 15th at 2:30 ... I will be nearly 7 weeks at that point. I wonder if they will send me for an ultrasound just to calm me down?

We had a pretty active weekend which was fairly exhausting. I felt a little crampy off and on ... mostly if I got myself into weird positions while cleaning out the ponds. I was also hungry often and ate much. :) By the end of the day my lower abdominal area just felt really tired ... I was happy to just collapse on the sofa after Jaida was in bed. Oh yeah, and why are my pants ALREADY feeling snug around the waist? This scares me a little bit. This might make holding out until I am 20 weeks along (like with Jaida) to tell anyone of the pregnancy pretty difficult. Good thing for winter and loose sweaters and shirts.

My pregnancy calendar says that the nerve development in the baby begins. Also that the blastocyst is officially an embryo as of today.

From Visembryo:

Primitive Pit, Notochordal Canal and Neurenteric Canals

1.0 - 1.5 mm

17-19 days post-ovulation

The embryonic area is now shaped like a pear, and the head region is broader than the tail end.

The ectoderm has thickened to form the neural plate. The edges of this plate rise and form a concave area known as the neural groove. This groove is the precursor of the embryo's nervous system and it is one of the first organs to develop.

By stage 8, the blood cells of the embryo are already developed and they begin to form channels along the epithelial cells which form consecutively with the blood cells.

Much good news

4 weeks 2 days (LMP) 2 weeks 2 days (gestational)

After an extremely nerve-wracking day yesterday I finally got the call from the midwife with the blood test results. My 14 dpo hCG was 330 and progesterone was 32.89. This means my hCG has an early doubling rate of every 30 hours which is outstanding since they want it to be between 48-72 hours. We are just over-the-moon happy. My first midwife appointment is November 15th at 2:30 ... I can't wait.

According to my pregnancy calendar the blastocyst has separated into two prongs ... one will become the head end and the other will become the butt end.

From Visembryo:

Neurulation and Notochordal Process

0.4 mm

16 days post-ovulation

In Stage 6, gastrulation began with the appearance of the primitive streak. In Stage 7, gastrulation continues with the formation of the audoderm and mesoderm, which develop from the primitive streak, changing the two-layered disc into a three-layered disc. The cells in the central part of the mesoderm release a chemical causing a dramatic change in the size of the cells in the top layer (ectoderm) of the flat disc-shaped embryo. The ectoderm grows rapidly over the next few days forming a thickened area. The three layers of the will eventually give rise to:

Endoderm that will form the lining of lungs, tongue, tonsils, urethra and associated glands, bladder and digestive tract.

Mesoderm that will form the muscles, bones, lymphatic tissue, spleen, blood cells, heart, lungs, and reproductive and excretory systems.

Ectoderm that will form the skin, nails, hair, lens of eye, lining of the internal and external ear, nose, sinuses, mouth, anus, tooth enamel, pituitary gland, mammary glands, and all parts of the nervous system.

My first official pregnancy entry

4 weeks (LMP) 2 weeks (gestational)

weight: 102
waist: 27 inches

The developing baby is still tiny. It is about 0.014-0.04 inch (0.36-1mm) in length. The implanted blastocyst is embedded more deeply into the uterine lining. The amniotic cavitiy, which will be filled with amniotic fluid, is starting to form. The placenta, which plays an important role in hormone production and transport of oxygen and nutrients, is forming. Vascular networks that contain maternal blood are establishing.

I am going to be optimistic and assume this pregnancy is going to stick. I gave blood at the lab and should have the results tomorrow sometime. I hope they are really good and don't leave me in a state of not knowing.

From my pregnancy calendar:
The blastocyst continues growing. It will firmly attach to the endometrium of the uterus over the next few days.

From Visembryo:

Implantation Complete, Placental Circulation System Begins

0.1 - 0.2 mm

7 - 12 days post-ovulation

Trophoblast cells engulf and destroy cells of the uterine lining creating blood pools, both stimulating new capillaries to grow and foretelling the growth of the placenta. The inner cell mass divides, rapidly forming a two-layered disc. The top layer of cells will become the embryo and amniotic cavity, while the lower cells will become the yolk sac.

Formation of the placenta

The ideal implantation site is the back wall of the body of the uterus towards the mother's spine.

Gastrulation, Chorionic Villi Formation

0.2 mm

13 days post-ovulation

Chorionic villi "fingers" in the forming placenta now anchor the site to the uterus.

The formation of blood and blood vessels of the embryo begins in this stage. The blood system appears first in the area of the "placenta" surrounding the embryo, while the yolk sac begins to produce hematopoietic or non-nucleated blood cells.

By the end of stage 6a, the embryo is attached by a connecting stalk (which will later become part of the umbilical cord), to the developing placenta.

Stage 6b begins when a narrow line of cells appears on the surface of the embryonic disc. This primitive streak is the future axis of the embryo and it marks the beginning of gastrulation, a process that gives rise to all three layers of the embryo: ectoderm, mesoderm and endoderm.

Pee Sticks

Just seeing the nice progression in the darkness of the lines on those pee sticks can do wonders for calming a person down. The lightest one is from Saturday a.m. (10 dpo), the middle one is from Monday a.m. (12 dpo) and the darkest is from this morning at 14 dpo. I just breathed a HUGE sigh of relief when I saw it.



Now I just need to go make a donation of blood at lunch-time today. I then just wait and hope for the best. Hopefully, the results will be very good and back in the morning.

Yesterday and again today I have had a tiny amount of blood tinged cm. It makes me nervous but I keep trying to remember that everything is stretching right now and I am taking baby aspirin so hopefully this is nothing to worry over.

Good news!!!

Thank godness for efficient labs. I called my midwife this morning just to remind her that I am totally neurotic and need to know the results of the blood work as soon as she gets it from the lab. Well imagine my surprise when she said she had them sitting right in front of her.

Anyhow, my first bloodwork was done at 12 dpo and my hCG was 111 and progesterone was 30.09. I think these numbers are really good. Inciid.org lists the 14 dpo average for hCg as 48 with the high at 119 and low at 17. So even two days earlier my hCG is basically at the high level for 14 dpo this is really really good news. I need to have more blood drawn tomorrow at about the same time and then I just wait and hope for the best.

One little worrisome thing is that this morning I did have a little bit of blood tinged cm. This worries me a little bit but maybe it is just because my uterus and everything are kind of expanding quickly at this point ... not sure?

Pregnant until further notice

This has become my mantra. I just keep saying it over and over again. I am 12 dpo today and decided to go ahead and POAS again this morning. The line is darker and thicker than the 10 dpo one. This gives me a lot of hope. The line has never gotten darker in cycles that resulted in a miscarriage. As of today I am having to pee much more frequently also. The nausea seems to have stepped it up a notch also. It is only really bad if I eat too much too quickly or if I have a full belly of water. I am also really really tired and just pretty much crash in the evening ... luckily all Jaida really wants to do at that time is play with her dada so this makes it easy on me.

I called my midwives office this morning and they made an order for bloodwork for the lab. I went to the lab around noon and had blood drawn for both a quantitative hCG and progesterone. I should have the results back tomorrow afternoon. I go back in on Wednesday right around the same time for the second draw. I hope the numbers are good and are rising as they should be. I really hope.

Well, isn't this ironic?

I have been stressing over getting pregnant for nearly eight months at this point. I have had several more early losses and my body has just not felt completely right. Just at the point I was about to give up and just have Jaida be an only child (I really would have been okay with this outcome) I find out I am pregnant.

Well, let's say this isn't a surprise oops pregnancy. This is very much planned and there has been a fair amount of obsessing this cycle but I honestly just felt like I was getting the stomache flu. I felt funky enough that I figured I would at least test to rule pregnancy out as a possible cause of my feeling funky. So at 10 dpo this morning I got up and POAS. The test line came up immediately ... it is pretty faint but it is the type of faint I would expect at 10 dpo. I have two more tests and you better believe I am going to use them over the next four days!

So some details about this cycle:

I ovulated on cd14 which was October 12, 2005
The bean seems to have implated on or around day 5
I tested positive on 10 dpo
My symptoms so far: really crampy between cd3 and cd6, really tender breasts starting just a couple of days ago, burping a lot (but no real heartburn), sort of full feeling in lower abdominal area, when I am hungry I am REALLY hungry, if I eat a lot I feel rather nauseous. That is all I can think of really.
My due date will be July 5, 2006. Which really makes me happy since the new baby's birthday will not interfere with Jaida's birthday in June. :)

I actually forgot to start taking my baby aspirin after I ovulated. Luckily, there is no blood connection established yet. I took the first baby aspirin last night. I am going to continue on them and add some progesterone to the mix tonight ... just in case my levels are low it will give me a little boost. On Monday, I will be 12 dpo so I will test again and hope that the test line has gotten darker. I will call my midwives and see when I can get in for blood hcg and progesterone test. I have the feeling they will make me wait until Wednesday when I am 14 dpo.

My BBT chart looks like total crap! Ha! I would have never thought it was a pregnancy chart. Hopefully this little bean will stick around. I really really hope so. I am taking the fact that line showed up so quickly (even though it isn't dark) at 10 dpo as a good sign.

Here is my sucky chart ...